We need more words in English that rhyme with the word "oink". Generations of poets have yearned to write passionately about pigs, but have found their efforts frustrated, because the English language does not provide any other legitimate words that rhyme with "oink".

The word "boink" comes up now and then as a sound effect in comic magazines, but that is not enough. "Boink" is not really a legitimate word that you can find in Webster's and it is not terribly useful in most dramatic contexts. No great speech, like the Gettysburg Address or the Sermon on the Mount, for example exists in which the word "boink" appears.

I recently got an email from someone in Europe who told me that I had won a million Euros. Her name was Rita Doink. I was very surprised, both by my good fortune in winning all those Euros, and by the fact that the surname "Doink" exists! My efforts to secure the million Euros have so far resulted in nothing, likewise my efforts to personally speak to Rita or other members of the Doink family. Could it be that "Rita Doink" is an alias? I certainly hope not! If Doink is a legitimate surname then it could open up further possibilities for rhyming with "oink", and that would be excellent.

Does anyone else here want to join with me in petitioning Oxford, Cambridge, and Eaton to officially induct several new worlds into the English language that rhyme with "oink"? I'm thinking maybe...

squoink
groink
calloink
maladroink
and passamodoquoink.

For a start anyway...