you get half yer brain removed and eat lots of pies

Howey up - ah thowt 'e were gannin' to Newcassel not Wiggin*

*This is an example of "Lordy", a new hybrid language - part Lanky, part Geordie - that I just invented to help Dave make the transition from Lanky to Geordie.

"Larn Thissel Lordy" - available from all good bookshops**

** The ones that don't sell it are crap bookshops.