I don't want to 'lie down'....visit a quack (Whoa..He's behind me!)....or try and work out what the heck 'gig' Ralph is recording in this thread....(Is it ME Smiley!)

The whole point that you're missing here is that the BBC board is now as dead as a dodo....

It's like the Monty Python Parrot sketch isn't it?

Poster: 'Ello 'Ello, there's somefink wrong with this 'ere board. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Moddy: No no no...this board is just restin'

Poster: Look Moddy, I know a dead board when I see one and I'm looking at one right now.

Moddy: No no, it's not dead, it's resting! It's a remarkable board the BBC Blue idn't it ay? Beautiful messages!

Poster: The messages don't enter into it....it's stone dead!

Moddy: Nononono, no, no! 'It's resting!

Poster: All right then, if it's restin', I'll wake it up!

(shouting at the board)

'Ello, Mister Board! I've got a lovely fresh folk and acoustic message for you if you show...(moddy starts a thread)

Moddy: There, it moved!

Poster: No, it didn't, that was you starting a thread!

Moddy: I never!!

Poster: Yes, you did!

Moddy: I never, never did anything...

Poster: (yelling and posting on the board repeatedly) 'ELLO ELLO!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Posts message on the board, watches it appear, then disappear. Throws hands up in air in exasperation and watches board plummet into nothingness again)

Poster: Now that's what I call a dead board!

Moddy: No, no.....No, It's stunned!

Poster: STUNNED?!?

Moddy: Yeah! You stunned it, just as it was wakin' up! BBC Blues stun easily, you know!

Poster: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That board is definitely deceased, and when I wrote on it not 'alf an hour ago, I was assured it's lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and flaked out due to a prolonged binge at The Folk Awards!

Moddy: Well, it's...it's, ah...probably pining for more messages!

Poster: PININ' for messages! What kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on it's back the moment two posters got banned?

Moddy: The BBC Blue prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely messages!

Poster: Look, I took the liberty of examining that board when I was at home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed their by the Moddies..

(pause)

Moddy: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If we hadn't nailed that board down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its messages and VOOM! Feeweeweewee! It would 'ave spread joy, laughter, anger, opinions, discussion and information all over the place!

Poster: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this board wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'It's bleedin' demised!

Moddy: No no! 'It's pining!

Poster: You can say that again... 'It's pinin' alright! 'It's passed on! This board is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet it's designer! It's bereft of life, It rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to its perch, by writing on it yourselves, it'd be pushing up the daisies!'It's metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'It's off the twig! 'It's kicked the bucket, 'It's shuffled off it's mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!

THIS IS AN EX-BOARD

(pause)

Moddy: Well, I'd better replace it, then.

(he takes a quick peek in the vaults)

Moddy: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the vaults and uh, we're right out of boards!

Poster: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Moddy: Er....I got a slug...Any good?

_____________________________________________________________________




And yes....the 'person in question' is guilty as stated. I know...because I got his lying post removed from the BBC board.

Thank you very much

Lizzie :0)