Mudcat Café message #198914

The Mudcat Café ^TM
Thread #19507 Message #198914
Posted By: Homeless
21-Mar-00 - 06:51 PM
Thread Name: BS: Friendly, But Not Familiar?
Subject: RE: BS: Friendly, But Not Familiar?

I've got a 15 year old step-daughter at home and came up with something similar, but more extensive. I DID make prospective beaus fill it out.
Last Name:

Last Name: First Name:

Address: Birth Date:

Age:

City: State: Zip:

Social Security number Mother's maiden name

Whom do you live with? Mother Father Other

How many of each do you have? Sisters Brothers Children

Next of Kin Organ donor? Blood type

Drivers license number

Do you own a car? Make Model

Color Engine Size License plate number

What grade are you in in school? What is your favorite subject in school?

In what subject are your best grades? Do you have any post-school plans?

If so, what are they?

Have you given any thought to joining the military?

Are you employed? Where do you work?

What kind of work do you do?

Explain the difference between a job and a career

Do you smoke? Drink? Do drugs?

What is the 'hardest' drug you have ever taken (smoked, swallowed, injected, etc.)?

Have you ever been arrested? If so, for what?

What is your favorite:

Style of music Musical Group

Actor Actress

Category of Movies Sport

Place to hang out Sports Team

List all of your hobbies

Are you Republican Democrat Other (specify)

What religion are you? How many times did you go to church last year?

Which of the following do you think are acceptable?

Premarital sex Homosexuality (for men) Homosexuality (for women)

Bisexuality Nudity Piercing Tattoos

Other body modifications

What is the primary objective in dating?

At what age do you think people should have children?

Do you think minors should have a curfew? If so, what is a reasonable curfew?

Can you do any of the following?

cook sew auto mechanics carpentry

Do you have any computer skills?

Do you have

Internet access Newsgroup access e-mail account

List your e-mail address and URLs of 3 sites you visit most often

Imagine the car of your dreams. Describe it.

To date, what is the greatest achievement that you have ever personally accomplished?

What would you like to be doing in 5 years?

Who is the current president of the USA?

Correct the following sentence: "I'm going to try and get Trilby home on time".

I also found these somewhere and passed them out - tho that was more in jest...
DATING RULES

Dating Rules

Rule One

If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your generation to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't be offended, but you and all of your friends look stupid. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose a compromise: you may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five

In order for us to get to know each other, I suspect you think we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful like change the oil in my car?

Rule Eight

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:

Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.

Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.

Places where there is darkness.

Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.

Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff t-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, or a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.

Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided.

Movies which feature chainsaws are marginally acceptable.

Hockey games are okay.

Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres of secluded land. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password – announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely AND early -- then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Signature Date

Rule One	If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two	You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three	I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your generation to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't be offended, but you and all of your friends look stupid. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose a compromise: you may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four	I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five	In order for us to get to know each other, I suspect you think we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six	I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven	As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful like change the oil in my car?
Rule Eight	The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff t-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, or a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Movies which feature chainsaws are marginally acceptable. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine	Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres of secluded land. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten	Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password – announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely AND early -- then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.