Little Miss Muffet Sat oin a tuffet Eating her curds and whey There came a big spider who sat down bwside her And she said "Bugger off, hairy-legs!"
Little Jack Horner Sat in a corner Eating a Christmas pie He put in his thumb and pulled out a plum Saying: "Bugger me, that's hot!"
Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does you garden grow With horse manure - idiot!
Sing a song of sixpence A pocket full of rye Four-and-twenty blackbirds Baked in a pie When the pie was opened, The King screamed "Off with the cooks head!"
Old King Cole was a merry old soul And a merry old soul was he He called for a light in the middle of the night To go to the W.C. The light shone on the dunny door The candle took a fit Old King Cole fell down the hole And came coverd in [singing sweetly] Sweeeet Vi-o-lets Sweeter than the ros-es Covered all over from head to toe Covered all over in . . . (finish it with one word abruptly - depending on your own politeness and the audiences broad or narrow-mindedness)
Speaking of which - I'm pretty broad minded, but SPAW - go to your room!