Katlaughing, I really like your crab analogy, very sensible and succinct, especially for children.

For my part, I think of what we're discussing as the presence of absence; a sort of palpable sense of "not thereness." My dad passed away a few months ago, and I opted not to look at the body, because I knew that it just wasn't him; my kids all felt the same way, and I told them that was fine. As far as I'm concerned, it's not much different than opening up the closet and looking at their old clothes.

~D