I didn't hear this as a song or rhyme. It was told to me by a buddy named Joe Huff, from Childress, Texas, when I was a sophomore in college--that would be about 40 years ago.

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It was back in the days of counts, no-counts, and discounts. We were sitting around the square table shooting camel turds. (Bullshit in those days was unheard of.)

Shit was flying at random. Random ducked. The shit hit the King. "Shit!" said the King. And 20,000 peasants squatted and strained, for in those days, the King's word was law.

The scene shifts to the royal bedroom.

"Roll over!" said the King. "I'll be fucked if I do," said the Queen. "You'll be cornholed if you don't," said the King.

"Balls," said the Queen, and the King laughed because he had two.

"By the way," said the King, "where is the Princess?" "The Princess," said the Queen, "is out with the Duke."

"WHAT?" said the King. "You mean the Princess prefers the dirty dangling dick of the Danish duke to the purple precious penis of the Persian prince?"

"Yes," said the Queen.

"Fuck the Duke," said the King.

And 20,000 peasants were killed in the rush, for in those days, the King's word was law.

And besides, ass was scarce.