Warmest sympathies, Kendall.
Every case is different of course, but in a weird way I feel closer to my dad now (he died last September) than ever before. I talk daily to his picture, on the windowsill, 2 feet away from me. Oh, I know, it's just symbolism - I talk to my memory of him, but isn't that the essence of people? I consider his likely approval or otherwise of my decisions and behaviour more now than I ever did when he was alive. So I don't miss him, he is with me, within me. And I am grateful for his time on earth.

Perhaps an equivalent approach might help. But it's at times like these when we feel most like little kids, despite our age. I am sure big bro knows your love for him and will take you under his wing again.