Then get rid of him, however you do it over there. Have him in to tea and tell him he's caused a spot of bother or something. Lay a pointy stick on the tea tray so he'll know you mean business (you don't have guns). Or better yet, lay one of these on the tray:

http://www.chopperaxe.com/whatis.htm

I've ordered one so that I can take the lead the next time I dance with my mesquite logs. Aren't they about to outlaw knives in Britain? Would something like this be allowed?

Yeah, tea and a chopperaxe. Some of that British understatement.