This one is from Bev Peg who sings skiffle and tells stories.

He had a friend called Kevin, who was into tattoos, and had a map of England on his chest. Bev says he wasn't the brightest bulb in the socket, but at least you knew where you were with him!

He went to a pet shop, having decided to buy a goldfish. The owner told him to take his pick, and asked if he wanted an aquarium. Kevin said he didn't care what star sign it was!

They met on the street and Bev asked where he was going to. Kevin was off to the hardware store to buy a file. His goldfish had developed a lump on its head. You can't do that, says Bev; it'll kill the fish. Kevin said he wouldn't buy too raspy a file and he was sure it would be OK. A week later they met up again. How's the fish? asked Bev. It died! I told you that would happen. Kev didn't think it was the file, and thought maybe he'd used a bit too much pressure in the vise!