Many may question my judgment in posting this, heck even I doo, so I put enter at your own risk in the title. If you don't want to hear about my a** leave now! It is one of the experiences of an aging post baby-boomer and I feel like sharing!

Just had the delightful experience of having a colonoscopy. For those who may not know it is when the doctor sends a crew comprised of a reporter, camera operator and sound engineer named Alphonso up ones backside! (OK, it is just a fiber optic camera but how funny is that?)

The prep for it is worse than the procedure. That involves not eating anything but clear liquids from lunch on yesterday, and nothing after midnight and also some nasty laxatives for cleaning out of the pipes,

I took the vile phosphorus last night as well as mysterious tablets and about 4 this morning my digestive track began an impersonation of Old Faithful. Like clockwork from 4 to 7 am, each time I would try to get back to sleep there came a violent large scale eruption with scant warning, the only thing missing was the delighted tourists. The only crowd nearby was constituted of confused dogs and cats that wondered what all the activity was about. The procedure called for me to be at the hospital at 10:15 so I was able to sleep for a couple of hours after the worst of the seismic activity subsided.

Upon checking in I was asked what color my "RETURNS" were. What a happy euphemism! I was happy to tell the nurse the latest returns were clear!

(NEWSBREAK - This Just In.... The Latest Returns Are Out Of The Polling Box And They Are Clear!....)

The procedure took place at the One Day Surgery Center, and it was only about three hours from check in to check out.

Now for the results.....

GOOD!

Several small pollups, not indicative of problems but removed.

And an Internal Hemorrhoid was found.

(The blood from it is I think what set the whole thing off)

What causes pollups? I asked....

Smoking (Check) Fatty Foods (Check) Lack of Exercises (Check) Drinking (Check) Being Overweight (Check) Cancer ...NO CHECK!

They will biopsy all the pollups but the size is not indicative of problems, so I'm expecting they will keep their hands out of my a** for at least 5 years.

I am also changing the diet, and starting to exercise. The booze and smokes are another issue!

I hope you folks enjoyed the little peek into my....day