When I read Lizzie's "My younger friends are afraid to make decisions for their children. They are frightened of how 'society' may judge them" I was reminded of my experiences teaching the adolescent offspring of teachers, social workers and psychologists; it was certainly more straightforward if I was teaching adolescent offspring of physicians or plumbers.

When I became a dad I recognised that, in the eyes of 'professionals' (real or imagined) it wouldn't really matter what I did, it would always have been the" wrong" tack. So their mum and I just concentrated on what we reckoned (and we're both reasonably well-informed and thoughtful) was the right tack and got on with it. And we were lucky enough to have two beaut girls who seem to have acquired the best of us and discarded our less attractive aspects. Confidence helped and seems to have been rewarded.

Occasionally I say to the 16 yr old (but not in particularly stressful conversations) "I treat you like an adult and I expect you to treat me like one too" and she recognises all the metamessages involved. But I still reckon I've been lucky and am thankful the luck has rubbed off on them. But I'm relatively ignorant of some parts of pop culture mentioned in this thread (I've only heard the audio book version of The Handmaid's Tale and inferred - incorrectly it seems - that it was about religion and fundamentalist power politics) and I get the girls to set me straight on their take on it all. That seems to work. And they're certainly aware of who's who in the zoo and what goes on at the National every Easter in Canberra.

Cheers, Rowan