As the band played, Iscur sang:

Slider, will you lead this party?
Fret is not a real smarty;
The reason he brought Numbnutz back
Was cause he couldn't find the track

Duck O'the Boots left some marks
Big red spots that shoot out sparks.
But Fret couldn't see them though he ought
to, he's just to short.

Hugwee joined in on his Yammerhammer, and everyone stopped to clap their hands over their ears. "Not in my house", screeched Iscur, pushing him from the door so that he fell from the tree in a
cacophony of sound.   As he passed out, he began dreaming of the fully automatic Yammerhammer he wanted to design; that would make his place in history the size of an obelisk,
instead of just a little asterisk.

"Not me" said Slider. "I've got gigs to play in the Shire, and I'm trying to arrange tours of Harmonia and Nyew Joysee".

Iscur showed him a picture of Duck, but whipped it away quickly to protect it from the fountain of drool that erupted from Slider's lips. "She's gone on ahead, but won't talk to you unless you have
Fret with you", said Iscur.

Slider was all for setting out immediately, but Iscur prevailed upon him to stay while she repacked everyone's luggage for a party of 7 instead of 2 "For you never know when Kendalf will turn up", she
explained.

    *****

As they walked through the forest, Slider all but dragging Fret along, they heard a voice like Bob Dylan singing in the style of Johnny Cash:

(to the tune of "Nine pound hammer")

That precious G-chord
Is a little too loud
For my ears,
Garthon, for my ears

Swim on Fishy,
Don't you swim so fast
Then I'll catch you
And eat you at last

I'm a going on a big quest
Gonna see my precious
And I ain't comin' back
'Til I'm on the gold track

When I'm long gone
You can build my tune stone
Outta number I chords,
Outta number I chords.

There ain't no G-chord
In this clearing
Got a ring like mine,
Got a ring like mine.

It was clear to all except Hugwee that the sound was a menace to all right-thinking creatures. It was slightly worse than Orc-rap and the Heavy Metal of the Riders of Dissonance, and only slightly
better than the atonal music of Mauron himself. It sounded like someone was playing both kinds of music (Country & Western), but hadn't tuned the banjo to the same key, or even to semitone intervals.

Following the lead of Numbnutz, they all sprang into the clearing and levelled various unpleasant devices at him -- in Hugwee's case, his face.

Garthon (for it was he) dashed out of the clearing, but concussed himself on the head of Fret, who was still hiding in the bushes. As he grovelled in a confused way, Fret commanded "Back!"

Garthon sprang for Fret's neck and the G-chord, before being struck aside by Slider's glass fingers. "Seagull will have the G-chord yet, and then Fret will sweat", he screeched as he fled. However,
he should've looked where he was going, because he collided with Numbnutz, and made the name of the latter accurate.

"Who is this Seagull, and who are you", Fret wondered.

"Seagull means me, Garthon means me, soon you shall see, and dumb you'll be"

"What?", mumbled Periodic in confusion.

"Yessus, bless us, precious; he says-us 'What!'", Garthon mumbled through the banjo he had caught up in his mouth. Springing over the still-prone body of Numbnutz, he fled. They could hear his cries
of "Arr, matey", "Sureya-betcha", "Jolly good show", "Foot-e-scray", "Umgawa", and "Bonsai" fading into the distance.

Slider looked in his pocket at the picture of Duck that he had pinched from Iscur. "We don't have time for this".

    *****

The sound of one part of "Duelling Banjos" could be heard coming down the trail ahead. "It's that Albatross, or whatever his name is", opined Merrygrin. Instruments of destruction were drawn as the
party stepped off the path into the bushes. In a moment, everyone knew from the beard that the newcomer wasn't Garthon.

Numbnutz sprang from the undergrowth with a cry. "Wodda, son of Woden and Rhonda".

Wodda stopped running. "Kendalf! I need to find Kendalf! The Riders of Dissonance are abroad!"

    *****

As they sat around the fire, Wodda burbled on. "I was named for Wodda Joke, who was named for Wodda Nidiot".

"What's with that assonance crowd you mentioned?", quested Periodic.

"The Riders of Dissonance!", blurted Wodda, with a fearful glance around. "Surely you know of them! They are abroad, seeking the G-chord on behalf of Mauron! I need to find Kendalf -- only he can
save us now!".

Fret withdrew the G-chord. "You'll be more use here, I think", said Slider. The others stared at him in astonishment. Well, not at him, but behind him. He turned to behold Duck.

"I wondered what was keeping you", she said as Slider asked "Do you come here often? Pardon me, have you seen my missing Nobel Prize around here anywhere?"

    *****

Fret ran. And ran. The horses followed.

The Riders of Dissonance had surprised them in their camp. They looked like chubby accountants in black cloaks, except for the fact that they were headless. As they entered the clearing, they
screamed in distorted voices, going up and down in parallel fifths.

"We are the Riders of Dissonance", screamed Wang-mar, as most of his followers screamed "I'm a negative creep" (with one screaming "I need a drink" at the same time -- he was a bit confused).

"We deal ... with Artists and Recordings", Wang-mar continued, as his followers screamed "Hold your breath inside, wait for death".

"We demand the G-chord", Wang-mar bellowed, his followers disharmonising "Seek and Destroy".

"Whether your life goes with G-chord, or with your body, we don't much mind". "Am I evil? Yes I am. Am I evil? I am man, yes I am".

Suddenly Fret found himself on his back as a wall of sound rolled over him. "Phil Spector's got nothing on that", he thought.

Duck's cannon had temporarily cleared away the headless A&R men. Fret observed that it said "Pachebel's Canon" on one side. Duck turned and led the way from the clearing, saying "They'll be back".
Fret noticed the other side of the cannon said "For use in 1812 Overture".

As Fret continued to flee, he could hear Duck explaining to Slider "Art music has its uses, you see...". But he focussed on fleeing, and didn't hear the rest, except Slider's response of "Damn,
that's one lucky pair of trousers you're wearing!".

    *****


-       With apologies to the Americans for the Asterix and Obelix jokes
-       With apologies also to Hugwee for deforming his character so -- he can feel free to disown the character as I wrote it.
-       I hesitate to do much more to Red Wolf's party, as I'm not up to Little Hawk's standard. Other than suggesting he have his party (with Kendalf) head towards Harmony Stream (see above), I hope
       to leave things in those able hands.
-       How's my writing?