Advance warning: admittedly not for the devout ......    Those easily offended are genially encouraged to pass on to the next message.

(If we can't have a little fun with our sacred cows, they will soon cease to moo for us.)

While there are one or two New Testament personages in the versions above, the later crowd was badly under-represented. Herewith a work in progress (note variant lines).   Feel free to improve it on your own:

TEN CONSTIPATED BEINGS, Or,
Five Constipated Men, Two Constipated Women, One Constipated Fallen Angel, One Constipated Savior, and One Constipated God in the New Testament

There were ten, ten constipated beings
In the gospels, in the gospels,
There were ten, ten constipated beings
In the holy testament       [or: In the four synoptic gospels)

Now, the first ... was John the Baptist, he had to go before ...

And the 2nd ... Apostle Paul, they lowered him through the hole ...

The 3rd ... Apostle Peter, denied it three times ...

And the 4th ... Pontius Pilate, he had to wash his hands ...

Now, the 5th ... Judas Iscariot, he burst asunder ...

Now the 1st, 1st constipated woman ... Mother Mary, she used the manger ...

And the 2nd ... Sister Martha, she rose up hastily ...

And the one, one constipated fallen angel was Satan, he voided man's good works ...

Now the one, one constipated Savior, was Jesus, he rose in three days
                                                                  OR:   he rode in on his ass,
                                                                  OR: he blew the stone away,

Now, the One, One constipated God, his name was GOD, he sits till Judgment Day ...