I want to have respect for other beliefs, but I also want that respect to be mutual
Do you mean "respect" as a behavior, an inner feeling, a value, or what? When you think of your own attitude about it, are you thinking mostly of your feelings about others' beliefs or about how you expect yourself to behave toward the person holding bekliefs different from your own?
My first reaction to your post was: It's hard to "respect" in an effective way if you put conditions on the respect you "offer."
If a condition of your respect is that I (using myself as an example) must be prepared to question my "beliefs" if they vary from yours, how do you feel about my requiring you to do the same? Kinda icky, I bet. Me too. That's cross-proselytizing, actually, although usually that's a pejorative reserved for being aimed at Christians.
A healthy respect-- I think of my friendship with Bill D here at Mudcat (hi Bill). We are at wide variance, yet I cannot think of a closer friendship in this environment. It's as close as the friendships I treasure with people who believe as I do, and closer than many of those-- and who knows why! I don't feel like we have conditions upon one another.... I dunno if Bill does. We associate, or we don't. We tend to associate, sometimes actually seeking one another out! :~)
And consider this-- IMO people can't really know what others believe, on the detail level, since so many people (despite what they say) tend to have that nasty habit of thinking, learning, and changing. :~) Even the people you seem to think are so rigid.... many of whom I have known to be beset by a huge habit of doubt and/or curiosity, and learning.
I think that actually, different beliefs are less a barrier between people than are reactivity and defensiveness. There's actually quite a large amount of territory between talk and action. Who cares if we disagree when we talk to one another?