What we all find difficult to take from other people is aggression...either expressed actively and obviously...or expressed more subtly. Lack of respect is a form of aggression. Intolerance is a form of aggression. Sarcasm and contempt are forms of aggression. Ridicule is a form of aggression. Condescension is a form of aggression. Saying "I pity you" is a form of aggression.

It's not surprising we find it difficult to deal with any of those forms of aggression. Animals react the same way to aggression, and they're usually good at picking it up even if it's pretty subtle.

I believe that's what Janie is referring to in her post when she says, "What will push my buttons is when a person, by the manipulative and gamey manner in which they post, demonstrate they have not taken responsibility for examining and owning, as fully as possible, the basis for their beliefs, and who espouse beiefs that are clearly as much of a defense mechanism as a conclusion arrived at after a diciplined self-examination of one's own values."

Exactly. It's people's defense mechanisms that trigger alarms in us. Most of us (if not all of us) have a few such defense mechanisms that kick in automatically when certain touchy subjects (like religion or politics) come up. By reacting defensively we immediately signal that we are ready for a fight, and we ourselves launch the first attack on the level of the subtle nervous system. That bothers other people (unless they happen to agree with us), and they tend to become defensive also, and they counterattack in a similar fashion...or in the fashion that fits their style. If they do agree with us, then they cheer us on, and they help gang up on the people who disagree with us and them. After that it all basically gets nastier, uglier, more petty, and more long-winded....

That's what I see happening over and over again on all the contentious threads on this forum. I don't know anyone here who has failed to fall into this trap, including myself (needless to say, I hope!).

Chongo falls into this trap almost constantly, but he simply doesn't give a damn. ;-) He is almost never tortured by the kind of self-doubts and self-criticism that make me question my own failings in this regard.

The thing that totally pisses me off is the people who are technically smart enough to engage in such honest self-observation and self-criticism....but it never even occurs to them. Not once.   They only notice negative behaviour when other people are doing it.

I can excuse that in a chimp. I have difficulty excusing it in a human being.