Yes Mary, but to many people, Christmas is not just any holiday - especially if you are a parent who used to delight in "doing" Christmas for your children when they were little. Christmas Day can be really lonely if you are by yourself, like he would be.

Having said that, I've been fairly relaxed about when I celebrate Christmas with my children. I think for the last 2 years we have celebrated Christmas with them slightly earlier so that they could be with their own families on the day. Last year on Christmas Day, we had an open house for "Christmas Orphans" to drop in for nibbles and a few drinks. That was okay, but I would have hated to be sitting at home all by myself that day.

If dad only stays over for a night or two, would it be possible for you and your wife to get away straight after that and celebrate New Years together? After all, this is a situation that is probably not going to go on for too many more years, and .... but then you've already decided anyway, haven't you, and I think it is the right decision.

How does your wife feel about her brother in general? As far as how to respond to her brother about this, the ball is probably in her court. Only she knows whether she wants to try and maintain a civil relationship with him or not. If I was her, I'd be giving him a piece of my mind, but it is up to her in the end. Maybe she needs your moral support to speak her mind to him.