No one who is 96 and still has family should have to be alone on a holiday which they are used to spending with family. What happened to honouring our elders?

Puzzled, I am glad you and your wife will be with her dad again this year. I agree, the response to her brother, should come from her, with backup from you, if needed. Is she doesn't feel it is worth the grief and upset it might cause to tell him exactly what she thinks of his offer, then just send a "changed our mind" email and let it go at that. IF she does raise a ruckus, I assume there's a chance it might get back to the old fellow and no one wants that, right?

Just remember, our children learn by example...brother may live to regret not seeing his own father for Christmas. Who knows? Sometimes family dynamics can get so complicated with so many hidden feelings, hurts, agendas, etc.

Wishing you all the best,

kat