The brother is a selfish shit who obviously cares nothing for his father. Maybe that's deserved - I don't know. My Dad was not a saint but when he needed help all of us contributed, visited, took him on vacations and no - we weren't wealthy. And yes - we all had serious problems of our own to deal with.

So Puzzled, what do you do?

Out of respect for Dad and given his age, keep Christmas as you always do and never let him know of this exchange. To the brother: a thanks but no thanks. An angry lecture will fall on deaf ears and possibly make its way back to Dad.

Then plan a special "time away" for you and your wife. The likelihood is that neither you nor she will die before you can make that happen.

It doesn't sound as if you will enjoy a Christmas holiday knowing that Dad is stuck in a nursing home he can't afford surrounded by strangers. Treasure the little time he has left. And keep in mind, when Brother needs a place for Christmas his daughter is not likely to offer him a bed. Someone will always make room for you and be happy to welcome you in.

Mary