I found these lyrics at Lou and Peter's web site but I have changed the spelling, punctuation, and layout according to my own taste.

TALKIN' AT THE SAME TIME
Words, Peter Berryman. Music, Lou Berryman.
©2000 Lou & Peter Berryman

SPOKEN INTRO, PETER: This is for people who've been a couple for a long time and who find that their--that everything's fine but it's getting a little boring. We suggest that you might try talking at the same time to pep things up a little bit.

(Here Lou and Peter sing alternate lines of the same verse.)
LOU: You say the two of you have tried to ride a horse apiece around the grounds and all you got to show for it's a horseshoe?
PETER: And that the two of you have nude-canoed, and read in bed, and flown to Rome, and nothin' drives you nuts the way it used to?
LOU: Well, now, the news for you's we've seen between a pair a way to save the day that neither takes an hour nor a thin dime.
PETER: And if the two of you've the urge to merge, pizzazz and jazz and razzmatazz, learn to turn to talkin' at the same time.

(Here Lou and Peter begin to sing different lyrics and different melodies simultaneously.)
LOU: Well, 'dja ever see a brighter lightning or a louder thunder? Rain, rain, rain all night.
How 'bout the hail? The hail, the hail, it must have hailed for half an hour. The ground was nearly white.
Well, all the thunder and the hail, it really scared the pooches, scared them through and through.
The dogs were really goin' crazy, they were really goin' nuts till sometime after two.

PETER: Raining, it was raining. Thunder, man, it thundered and it rumbled like a freight train.
Hail and rain and lightning, oh, the hail, the hail was intermingled with a hard rain.
Hail as big as golf balls. It was really noisy, and the dogs were going crazy.
Those poor dogs freak out in thunderstorms. Oh, we must have been awake until three.

(Alternating again.)
LOU: No doubt the two of you've improved a few'f the normal formal ways to form a phrase to raise the level of your heart-to-hearts.
PETER: As when the two of you have clowned around and found your mood renewed upon one--
BOTH: --ending up--
LOU: --a sentence that the other starts.
And if the two of you have yelled, or spelled, or rapped, or tapped a code, or signed, or whined, or made a pun, or done a pantomime,
PETER: Or if the two of you have spoken broken French, or chat in Latin, you can learn to turn to talkin' at the same time.

(Simultaneous again.)
LOU: Well, poor Lou Ann, it seems Lou Ann is in another crisis. I hope she's OK.
Her luck is bad. It seems she has a few catastrophes a week or more like every day.
Now, was it Tuesday that she called me? Was it only Tuesday? She couldn't catch her breath.
She said her stove blew up. Her stove blew up and nearly burned the house down. She was scared to death.

PETER: Poor Lou Ann, poor Lou Ann! That Lou Ann is always in a crisis, if you ask me.
Bad luck, she has bad luck. Poor Lou Ann's in crisis every month or maybe weekly.
Tuesday, yes, just Tuesday, calling in a panic from her doctor's office downtown.
Poor Lou Ann! Her entire stove blew up. Oh, my God! She nearly burnt the house down.

(Together now, in harmony.)
BOTH: Frogs all croak together in the noisy bog.
Dogs all know it's best to bark with at least one more dog.
Cows all do their mooing simultaneously.
Ducks don't wait their turn to quack, so why, oh, why should we?

(Alternating again.)
LOU: I'm sure the two of you've reclined behind the blinds and locked the door before to rest or, best of all, to see some TV.
PETER: And there the two of you've unwound around the tube a tad and had a half-carafe of wine to find you're growin' hungry.
LOU: When you decide to call for pizza after laughter at the fridge about your jar of moldy chutney and your brown lime,
PETER: Well, if the two of you've the wherewithal to crawl to phones you each can reach, don't you turn to talkin' at the same time?

(Simultaneous again.)
LOU: Hello, hello! Is this the Pizza Pit? We'd like a pizza. Olives, double cheese.
And put some pepperoni, pepperoni, definitely pepperoni. Thin crust, thin crust, please.
I'd like some Pepsi, diet Pepsi, either Coke or Pepsi. Coke would be OK.
Now, wait, now, don't hang up. Now, don't hang up. I didn't give the street yet. Oh, dear! What'd I say?
Now, wait, now, don't hang up. Now, don't hang up. I didn't give the street yet. Oh, dear! What'd I say?

PETER: Hi! We'd like a pizza, double cheese and olives, no anchovies, pepperoni.
Sausage, no, not sausage. Well, I guess a little sausage, maybe, and some Pepsi.
Root beer too, some root beer, either that or Pepsi, and a couple sticks o' cheese bread.
Don't hang up, no don't--Oops! They hung up. Gosh, I hope it wasn't something I said.
Don't hang up, no don't--Oops! They hung up. Gosh, I hope it wasn't something I said.

[First appeared on the CD "House Concert" in 2000. Re-recorded for "Love Is The Weirdest of All" in 2004. To hear an archived radio program that includes this song, click to play and then advance to 1 hour 8 minutes from the beginning of the program.]