Here's my transcription:

OLDER'N EVERYBODY
Lou & Peter Berryman
"Dedicated to those who have discovered that the more time goes by, the older you get."

I went down to the QuikTrip on a Thursday after dinner.
I picked up a pair of Twinkies and a cup of cocoa.
I took my place in line and noticed, over-top the tabloids,
You could see all our reflections in the window.
Now, you would not describe me as a people-watching person,
And I'm not often one to stick my neck out,
But if someone put a gun to me and forced my estimation,
I'd say I was older than everybody,
Older than everybody, I'd say I was
Older than everybody at the checkout.

So, feeling antiquated, I arrived at a decision
To act a few years younger for an hour.
I drove down to the tavern where my roots had been firmly planted
When my years of boozing were in flower.
I drove in back to park, and found the landscape unbecoming.
The winos in the alley made me shudder.
I'm glad I turned my life around, but I hadn't thought of this part,
Where I'd be older than everybody,
Older than everybody, where I'd be
Older than everybody in the gutter.

I drove up in the moonlight to my favorite cemetery,
For though I'm well aware I'm no spring chicken,
Reading all the gravestones often brightens my perspective.
After all, they're dead and I'm still kickin'.
Well, I should have been glad that I could hike that hilly acre.
I wasn't even really breathing that hard,
But when I read the dates, I had the awful realization
That I was older than everybody,
Older than everybody, that I was
Older than everybody in the bone yard.

A little voice remarked that I could use a short vacation.
That seemed like a reasonable suggestion,
So I drove off through the night and found a motel near Milwaukee.
The desk clerk looked me over and posed a question.
He asked if I was old enough to take the senior discount,
'Cause old boys stay for less at Howard Johnson.
I said, "If I don't get the discount, sonny, no one gets the discount,
'Cause I'm older than everybody,
Older than everybody, because I'm
Older than everybody in Wisconsin.

"Now this old bird is older than all the nighthawks in Chicago,
Older than every buzzard playing bingo,
Older than the turkey in almost every turkey dinner,
Older than every snowbird in Orlando,
And though I may be younger than the glaciers and the ocean,
Younger than the limestone and the granite,
And though I may be younger than these Twinkies on the dashboard,
I think I'm older than everybody,
Older than everybody, I think I'm
Older than everybody on the planet.
I think I'm older than everybody,
Older than everybody, I think I'm
Older than everybody on the planet."

[From the album "House Concert," 2000.

[To hear an archived radio program that contains this song, click to play and then advance to 52 minutes, 42 seconds from the beginning of the program.]