I detest the child support office in the county where I live because they take their sweet time about opening the envelopes, noting the payment was made, and getting it to me a few days later. I have difficulty planning to pay bills with their system, but at least I get the money. The reason Texas makes us all go through that blankety blank child support office (handled by the state in smaller, rural counties) is so they can tell who is a deadbeat. They prosecute down here. This is built into all divorces in Texas.

The child support isn't given to only buy the child's food and clothes and pay for school, etc. It is to help the mother maintain a life for the child that is somewhat like what they were accustomed to when the parents were together. It goes into utilities and cable TV and the DSL, etc. It isn't meant to be parsed out in an identifiable way and it isn't up to the father to judge or to withhold based upon how he thinks it is spent. I look at it that my ex pays a fraction of his paycheck to us every month to support his children, and all of my paycheck every month goes to support my children. I don't have any extra money to play with like their dad does.

After the divorce I tried to move out of the state, but gremlins in the works prevented it. In hindsight, as much as I'd like to live in a cooler climate, this is better for the kids, who see (one is away at college now) him almost daily. My son spends Friday and Saturday night there, returning home at dinner time on Sunday. This has been good for them. They're smart, well-adjusted, happy kids.

When we were first divorced he was angry, and was pulling lots of little unpleasant stunts, being picky about the rules, etc. Then I managed to throw all of the nonsense out. How? I got cancer. I don't recommend it as a way to bring your ex into line, but it worked in this case. Two surgeries and I was free of it, but we all got a sobering look at how things really stood and what was really important.

My thoughts are that your daughter is making it too easy on the father. He should pick up the kids and drop them off and he should feed them while he has them. He should also spend money on them while he has them. If he chooses to leave, that's not good for the kids, but if she keeps letting him blackmail her with threats, he'll keep doing it.

My two cents.

SRS