There is a sort of "hidden trap" built into the situation described that may not be apparent.

Child support payments have been set by a court, but are not being paid.

She doesn't want to press the issue of payments (at this time) "for his sake."

If she ever is forced to apply for any form of "social support benefits," such as food stamps, housing assistance, medical help, or any other "state provided benefits," the agencies involved will see the non-payment of court ordered child support as a "cause" and as a collectible debt, and generally will demand payment of any past due amounts as a reimbursement for "benefits paid by the state in lieu of the unpaid child support," and will pursue him to collect.

She will have NO CHOICE in this.

There generally is no appeal of the amounts ordered once collection efforts start, and there is no "statute of limitations¹" on unpaid child support.

The effect of this is that she may be prevented from applying for available benefits in the event of real need in a real family crisis, unless/until she gives up on the notion of "protecting" him; and he is building a "disaster" for himself by accumulating a backlog of unpaid support for which the government will demand payment if she and/or the children are ever forced to seek any government support benefits.

¹ US Federal Law does not recognize a statute of limitations for child support, and since nearly all state benefits rely on Federal funding, at least in part, the states generally are required to also ignore any "forgiveness." (Curiously, perhaps, in most states, alimony is subject to a (typically 10 year) limitation on collection of "back amounts.")

His failure to appear when the last court assignment of child support amounts was made may also already have demolished his right to "appeal" the amounts currently assigned. In many domestic relations courts, only a "judgement of the court" can be appealed, and in a "no contest" hearing, where the support amounts were set by reference to "standard tables," the court may construe that "no judgement was made" and hence nothing can be appealed.

(This issue of no standing for an appeal arises most frequently when a "consent decree" on alimony is registered with a court - there is no legal basis for a later appeal by the payor for adjustment because the court merely accepted an agreement, without making any judgement. It often results in non payment for the purpose of forcing the designated recipient to sue for collection, in the hope that the issue of "fairness" can be raised, and amounts adjusted, once the case is admitted to hearing.)

Note that IANAL. These comments are based entirely on personal experience, and personal contact with, and opinions of, a number of people who are or have been in similar circumstances.

John