I enjoy those expressions too, but the US can do well on it's own:

Useless as tits on a boar hog....

Uglier than death takin' a shit...

Crazier than a shithouse rat...

That woman was so tall she could stand flat-footed and piss in the radiator of a Chevy pickup...

Yo' mama so fat she keeps her diaphragm in a Pizza box...

And so on and so forth. Where's Kendall when we need him?

Peter