Thanks, Duffy; I wasn't sure if this line of thinking would be endorsed by anyone. To return the compliment, I agree with you about what kinds of people I want my (three) kids to emulate; I want them to be thinking people who don't jump to simple conclusions, know enough to question bumper-sticker slogans, and can recognize that we are all a mix of positive attributes and human failings.

Bartholemew, your recognition of the complexity of individual circumstances/motivations, and the limits of our abilities to apply our solutions to other people, is well taken. It's tough to be in the situation you describe, but I think you should give yourself credit for trying, rather than beat yourself up for your inability to come up with a perfect solution. We try to help one another, but each person ultimately travels his or her own road.