I remember being beaten up on the way to school, at recess, and after school. During school the teachers hit me and at home I was spanked for the least little thing. We never had enough food and our clothing was rags cast off by beggars and tramps. Everyone obeyed the law, however, and that's how I got my first good meal: I was arrested for straying outside the crosswalk and sentenced to thirty days in jail and they served me watery gruel and moldy bread but boy! was it good.

In school (if we weren't eaten by a saber-tooth tiger during the forty mile walk we had, through partially frozen quicksand and hot molten lava) we learned about tensor calculus, quantum mechanics, fractals, reading, and memorized the complete works of Shakespeare. In second grade things got hard.

Oh, the memories! The memories!