Well, there are two days to go until our annual May Celebration in Conifer, and this year promises to out-do even last year's festival. The feature this year will be a no-holds-barred Battle Royale between our local faction of Pagans(The Rocky Mountain Association of Centaurs), and armed members of the congregation of the Conifer Lutheran Church. The battle will take place on the baseball field at the High School, followed by a pot luck presented by the Communist Workers Party of Evergreen's Ladies Auxiliary. At two o'clock in the afternoon, the Miss Sheel-na-gig Contest promises to keep everyone entertained. At three o'clock, the annual Communist Mayday Parade will head down the main street. This year's theme is "Welcome Home Elian!", and we at Radio Shack have high hopes for our float Re-build the Berlin Wall!, which features heroic local school children assembling a large wall made entirely of daisies, while a rose-petal Stalin smiles down on them. The parade will terminate in front of the City Hall, where a large wicker-structure has been erected from the leftover wood used to build the new Temple of the Sacred Oak, on Bradford Lane. The losers of the Christian/Pagan Battle Royale will be incinerated within this Wicker Man in a ceremony that the local Chamber of Commerce promises "will light up the night!"

Have a happy May Day!

LEJ