Ya know John, in my dotage I sometimes get all misty eyed and start remembering the good old times, like the time my delusional paranoid schizophrenic manager (hey, it's not contagious is it?) sent me to the psycharist to see if I was insane so i could get 'early retirement from the Public Service'...

So he asked me "Do you hear voices?"

to which I naturally replied truthfully "Yes"

So how often do you hear these voices?    All the time.

When did you first start hearing these voices?    When I was a child - as long as I can remember.

So what do these voices say?    Well, The Good Voices tell me to do Good Things, and the Bad Voices tell me to do Bad Things, and the other voices tell me to do all other sorts of crazy things, and sometimes they all just argue amongst themsleves and then I don't know WHAT they want me to do.

So are these voices inside your head, or do they come from outside your head?    Well for years I used to think that they came from outside my head, but now I know for sure that they come from inside my head.

So just how many of these voices are there?    Well I used to think that there were lots, but now I am pretty sure that really they are just all part of the same voice.


He leaned forward...

So who IS this Voice?





Oh - It's me!

I was quietly let out of the door.


I was not 'retired'....



BTW, I'm NOT making this up you know...


I DO enjoy our chats John...