Nursery rhymes for the 21st Century:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.
------------------------------------------------------------
It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh S ** t, it's Global Warming.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.
-----------------------------------------------------------

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread.
----------------------------------------------------------
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
'What have U got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon
Pies you d*ckhead.
----------------------------------------------------------
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its a*se
And turned its wool to nylon.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Jill, the dill,
Forgot her pill,
And now they have a son.
----------------------------------------------------------
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.
----------------------------------------------------------
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.


RtS