do you stay as the emotional/physical punchbag in a pretty house, or do you get the hell out and live a happier life in a crappy flat?

Graham, I know you are trying to understand. I can assure you, "a pretty house" has nothing to do with whether a woman stays or goes. It has to do with the complete traumatisation of the woman, physically AND mentally. She cannot fathom leaving, it seems impossible and deadly. In one case, a non-fiction book I am editing, the husband made sure she knew he would kill her and their children if she tried to leave; he even threatened to eat them. The one time she did get away to stay with friends, he tried to burn their house down with them all in it.

In such situations, a woman is not thinking of a "happier life" she is thinking of just surviving and, usually, because she has no self-esteem left, she cannot think beyond making herself more compliant, prettier, less demanding, etc. in order to please him in the hopes he will stay nice and not go into some horrible rage and beat her and the kids once again, maybe even kill them. Clear thinking is rare in such instances and murders of abused spouses happen more often just after they have left the abusive relationship than any other time.


Re' my earlier suggestion about vasectomies, I was being facetious, of course, but it does remind me of the old adage, "If men could get pregnant, abortions would be a constitutional right" or something like that.