Confession time: I have a Sharpie in my backpack, and I know how to use it.

For example, the drive through windows at various North Texas Wendy's restaurants owned by the same franchise, had signs that said

"Checks Not Excepted."

Strictly speaking, this means THEY TAKE ALL CHECKS. Of course, you couldn't make that clear to the clerks or the managers if you took the time to mention it (I tried a couple of times). This is a job for Garrison Keillor's Professional Organization of English Majors (POEM). (He did a skit in a drive through window on one program.) So I would open my door in line and do a quick cross out of the "Ex" part and write over it "Ac." After I'd hit a half-dozen Wendy's this way they all finally disappeared. :)


Last week's message:

Garrison Keillor: ...after this message from the Professional Organization of English Majors.

The number of English Majors is in decline in this country. You may have sensed that already. Right now there is only one English major for every 75 people, and by 2015 we face a shortage of sensibility that makes it unlikely that America can keep up its high production of memoirs.

Let's not waste our English major resources on technical writing. English is not a good language for technical writing. Urdu is much better.

Tim Russell: (URDU) Your chances of comprehension are much greater with Urdu.

And let's not waste English majors on copy editing. The best copy editors are graduates of criminal justice programs, retired bounty hunters

TR: Look at this. Pathetic. Do you even know what a gerund is? Do you?

GK: So what's a good job for an English major? (SIZZLING) (TABLEWARE)

TR: You want fries with that?

GK: A career in the food services industry gives you time to think. It gets you away from your computer, and best of all it doesn't require you to write so you save your literary fire for your novel or play.

TR: (DRAMATIC, TYPING) Her smile was like the moon-bright, but melancholy. If you looked closely at it, you could see a man's face.

GK: Let somebody else copy edit this stuff. As an English Major, this is not your job. Your job is to flip burgers, until your book deal comes through. And that's ok.

TR (BUSH): As President I have come to regret my decision not to major in English which would have been more useful to me than the type of education that in fact I did get at the time. And I regret my decision to get a job as The Decider. Sometimes, when I drop by the White House kitchen and see someone fixing up a grilled cheese and an order of fries, I think to myself: I coulda been good at that. And I woulda had more time to work on my stories and make em more believable than they are at the present time.

...a message from the Professional Organization of English Majors.