I feel sorry for Johnny. His whole life ahead of him, voted "Most Likely To Succeed," valedictorian AND salutarian for his class, Class President, football hero by scoring the winning touchdown at the Homecoming Game, Captain of the basketball team, champion goalie of the soccer team, First Trumpet in the Band, National Honor Society, accepted at Harvard AND Yale AND Bob Jones University, champion debater, and voted "Biggest Heartthrob" by no less than six sororities. Poor Johnny...doomed to a life of disgrace and shame and Utter Degradation And Depravity.

They'll probably find his body in the Tallahatchee River someday.