Slightly less than a million miles from civilisation in deepest rural England lie the twin villages of Upton Ogood and Nevern Ogood. Situated on opposite banks of the picturesque open sewer known locally as the River Khazi these villages offer many amenities for those of a folkie disposition bent on the pleasures of holding a 'festival'. There are several public houses with attached micro breweries producing fine ales from locally sourced materials and sparkling 'spring' water. The village hall with its timbered walls and turf roof was gifted by Olaf the Marauder in 937 and burnt down by the locals at 1 o'clock. The cows can be removed from the camping field. Witch burning only takes place on alternate Wednesdays these days, although village idiot prodding is allowed on any day with an 'a' in it (fun for all the kiddies).

The village elders are keen to promote tourism to the area and have promised that the unfortunate episode with the charabanc party in 1917 would not be repeated as cannabilism has almost died out since the opening of the Borneo takeaway.

There would also be no need to worry about Eddy Baker as the access roads are too narrow for his equipment.

So, forget Blitherscrum, and step back into the past in the Ogoods.

YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENSE!!