Don't know why I didn't find this the first time around.

The sheet music can be viewed at The Lester S. Levy Collection of Sheet Music:

LEARNING MCFADDEN TO WALTZ
M. F. Carey
Albany: Cluett & Sons, 1890.

1. Clarence McFadden he wanted to waltz but his feet wasn't gaited that way,
So he saw a professor and stated his case and said he was willing to pay.
The professor looked down in alarm at his feet as he viewed their enormous expanse,
And he tacked on a five to his regular price for learning McFadden to dance.

CHORUS: One, two, three, balance like me. You're quite a fairy, but you have your faults.
While your left foot is lazy, your right foot is crazy, but don't be unaisy. I'll learn you to waltz.

2. He took out McFadden before the whole class and he showed him the step once or twice,
But McFadden's two feet got tied into a knot. Sure he thought he was standing on ice.
At last he broke loose and struck out with a will, never looking behind or before,
But his head got so dizzy, he fell on his face and chewed all the wax off the floor.

3. McFadden soon got the step into his head, but it wouldn't go into his feet.
He hummed "La Gitana" from morning till night, and he counted his steps on the street.
One night he went home to his room to retire after painting the town a bright red.
Sure he dreamt he was waltzing and let out his feet, and he kicked the dash-board off the bed.

4. When Clarence had practised [sic*] the step for a while, sure he thought that he had it down fine,
He went to a girl and he asked her to dance and wheeled her out into the line
He walked on her feet and he fractured her toes and he said that her movement was false,
Sure the poor girl went round for two weeks on a crutch for learning McFadden to waltz.

[*The spelling "practised" makes me think that, although this sheet music was published in the US, it was copied from a British—or maybe Irish?—original.]