Hey David........Life does kinda' bite sometimes don't it. On the other hand, the idea of riding around for thousands of miles with a pair like Bill and Allan isn't exactly charming either. Bill, being English, can barely be understood by most of us who actually speak the language (Yorkshire is still an undeveloped portion of the third world--maybe the fourth, I dunno). Allan can be incredibly boring around here so I can only believe that travelling a bejillion miles with him wouldn't be no bed of roses, now would it?

Then there is the whole idea of meeting a bunch of 'Catters. Now I know a lot of these folks pretty well and I think that if you have any sense at all you'll realize that I kid you not when I say you ain't missin' a whole helluva' lot. A bigger bunch of completely dubious mortar forkers would be hard to imagine. Maybe we all need to get you fixed up with a computer and get you on-line so you could see that I am telling the truth!!!

You'll miss Florida and their crop of "noseeum" bugs and various nasty reptiles. I see you were scheduled to stop for awhile in Texas and you're just as well off staying home.......Do you know how to tell if a Texan's lying?--Watch for lip movement. Then again, you were going to go across Mississippi to get there and you'll miss out on all the fine sales they have there on white bedsheets and those cute pillowcases with the eyeholes cut in them....very stylish for those weekly cross flamings. Then there's Oklahoma. Did you ever notice how many people are FROM Oklahoma? Probably a reason for that. And Leej, up in Colorado......not missin' much there. The guy opened a Radio Shack that's 427 miles from the nearest customer. Of course you'll miss Wyoming.....Home on the range, where the air is clean and you can pee in the stream. If this is your idea of a good time, its a fine place to be, but I think we need to talk. Kat lives there and she's a total wacko...........communes with "Faery Spirits" in her garden.....need I say more? Then Montana ... ahh Montana, the "Big Sky" country and home of the "Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed." They call it the big sky country because the best way to traverse it is in a jet. On to Michigan and meeting an Irishman so inept that he tried to impress the girls by "stuffing" his pants with a potato. He put it in the back and of course couldn't understand why they all ran off since it looked obvious to them he'd dropped a load. But you will miss Max and Bert on Mudcat Radio. That's OK. Bert misses the show too. I mean like he's there, but he's not THERE....well certainly not all there anyway. Worse, he can't remember the part that IS there.

I could go on and on, but you get my point. You could have a far better time snorting lime jello and chocolate chips then sneezing on people. Well, that's not a great example 'cause that IS a lot of fun.............But, I'm sorry the plans didn't pan out anyway, and I'm sorry I was sick during your excursion to Cincinnati. Hope you get to feelin' better.............and I still think we need to work on getting you on-line with us here at the Mudcat.

All My Best, which is pretty pathetic too, come to think about it........

Spaw