If there is something worse than the gas powered hover mowers than its the electric version which has even less power but certainly looks good! Lotsa' style, precious little substance


Back in the early 60's, our neighbor was a true yard freak. Every morning he was home (like my Dad, this guy, "Bud," was a railroad engineer) you would see him squatting on his honches with his plastic bucket scouring his lawn pullling weeds and other grasses which he didn't want. I'm serious! The entire family was OC and I have a long list of moderately humorous and often frightening stories of their neuroses. Bud did all manner of things to his lawn that resulted in a lush bluegrass on turf so deep and soft it was like a combination of silk and foam rubber to walk upon. Naturally, no one walked on it but stayed on the edged walkways.

Bud bought a new mower at least every year and sometimes twice in the year and always had two mowers. Why I have no idea. Whatever Bud bought of anything, mower, garden hose, patio cover, car, or refrigerator, was the "Best gawdamn __________ they ever made." Whenever he brought home a new mower it would sit "on display" in the driveway for awhile so everyone would notice before he used it. The first usage was always attended by several neighbors happy to humor Bud and feed his OC while getting a few laughs to lighten the day as well as another good "Bud" story. Many counted on my Dad being present as the Old Man knew how to wind Bud up and goad him to new heights on these times when he was holding court in his driveway.

And so it was that one mid summer day a new Toro mower showed up in the driveway. But this was something truly different from anything else as it had no wheels! Back then I loved to cut grass and always kept an eye on new mowers and had seen one of these at our local hardware store. Bud had seen it as well and as he began his spiel I admit to feelings of envy. This too was the "best gawdamn mower they ever made" and as he filled it with gas I was kind of excited. He fired it up and the damn thing hovered spookily over the concrete. Bud showed how easily it turned and then on the second running allowed several in the crowd to feel it as well. I was lucky enough to get the chance and Bud beamed proudly as I obviously showed my pleasure and excitement in moving the mower around the group.

Finally, it was time to demo its cutting ability. With a brief check of the oil and gas, Bud once again fired her up. The group stepped back and Bud prepared to swing the hovering Toro over his lush and deep turf. By this time you probably know what's coming. Instead of gliding across the lawn, neatly clipping the tips, the turf was built up so deep and actually above the driveway level to such a degree that the mower couldn't cope. Instead of hovering above, it dug in......and it dug in deeply, stalling the engine. Dirt and chunks of dense sod flew in all directions.   Bud jerked the mower back away onto the concrete and away from his wounded lawn.   A large and deep semi-circular gash scarred the turf.

I don't recall Bud saying anything at all, just standing there staring at the damage with his mouth hanging open, half a PallMall stuck to the corner of his lower lip. Others like myself stood in silence, not know what to say. My Old Man though had no trouble as he was doubled over and laughing his ass off.   He manged to grab my arm and pull me towards our house while turning over his shoulder saying, "Damn Bud, that's a shame," in a voice still heavy with laughter.

The Toro went back to the hardware where it remained for quite awhile, more of a novelty than anything else. Bud brought home a Lawn Boy "Quiet-Flite" which was basically their 21" deck mower with a full shroud around the engine and a special muffler. It was something else as well. Unrepentant, bloody, but unbowed, Bud proclaimed it to be the "Best gawdamn mower they ever made."


Spaw