Its all a bit low key really.

If you go swimming, you get people sticking their elbow in your lughole as they try and do the butterfly. They dive on you and the water goes up your nose. Some bloody psychopaths wear a little rubber hat, nose clip, goggles and special swimming gloves, they swim everywhere underwater with their eyes closed go they keep biffing you. One time I saw this nice lady who was just trying to keep her shampoo and set out of the water soaked like a drowned rat, by one of these buggers doing a racing turn.

You don't get anything like that in folk clubs.