I still go for the song that appeared in Atlantic Monthly (??) shortly after the incident in Mississippi that started the entire tradition, called the Blue and the Gray. When we've sung it (Hardtack and Homespun, somewhere out there in mp3land) we have cut some of the verses, but here it is in all of it's victorian heart on your sleeve splendor

The Blue and the Gray

By the flow of the inland river
Where the fleet of iron has fled
Where the blades of the grave grasses quiver
Asleep are the ranks of the dead
Under the sod and the dew
Waiting the judgement day
Under the one the blue
Under the other the gray

From the silence of sorrowful hours
The desolate mourners go
Lovingly laden with flowers
Alike for the friends and the foe
Under the sod and the dew
Waiting the judgement day
Under the roses the blue
Under the lillies the gray

No more shall the war cry sever
Nor the winding rivers be red
They banish our anger forever
When they laurel the graves of our dead
Under the sod and the dew
Waiting the judgement day
Tears and love for the blue
Love and tears for the gray.

I'll go vind the author's name. The melody is also gorgeous.

Susan