Actualy, here is how I would do it:
Viv Stanshall would be the host. He could play the theme song, "We are the Village Green Preservation Society" on sousaphone with a backing track of himself on spoons. Of course, you could always have a symphony orchestra playing a gentle, passionless arrangement of Flanders and Swann's "A Song of Patriotic Prejudice".
Whilst the music plays, naturally, the Wimbledon All-England champion's side will entertain all foreign dignitaries with a display of Morris dancing. There shall be a light snack of cucumber sandwiches.
All taking place on a village green, naturally.
Scots, Irish and Welsh (sorry, no Cornish) may apply, as long as they play TRADITIONALLY ENGLISH material, with no harmony, chords or gracenotes.