these are the additional verses I know:

Our Scottish friend, still clad in kilt, continued up the street
He'd not gone ten yards or more, when who should he cbance to meet?
She said: "I've heard what's under there, tell me, is it so?"
He said: "Just slip your hand up, miss, if you'd really like to know!"

So she slid her hand right up his kilt, and much to her surprise,
The Scotsman grinned, and a very strange look came into his eyes,
She said: "Why, sir, that's gruesome!" And then she heard him roar:
"If you slip your hand up once again, you'll find it's grew some more!"

The lady paused a moment while her face was turning red
She asked the Scott to spend the night with her, and warm her bed
Said he: "my dear, I've got a wife, straight home to her I'll go,
Thought I amy be a bit more comfortable if I loosen up this bow."

His fingers steeled with drink were not, his head still spinnin'round
He could not loose the knot, and so he left it as 'twas found
And when his wife did spy on that fair stem what flower grows
It peaked her curiosity, as well you might suppose.

And When she asked the Scottsman where he'd been and what he'd done
He said there'd been a contest at the pub, and he had won
Said she "how could you show that thing, in front of all those men?"
He said "I did ne' show it all my lassie, just enough to win"


The origin of the first two of these is probably better covered here than any info I can supply. The last two I heard on a recording credited to a group called amarylis, the one in the middle was written by me, to tie the others together on a very long and silly day at the Michigan Renaissance Festival around (I think)2002; The full 10 verse compendium being known as the double-long, extra dirty version.. or perhaps extra long, double dirty if I get it backwards.

Corey O'Sullivan