Perhaps my best course would have been to make sure that a chum-grinder was installed before the cruise, then accidentally smacked her into it with the guitar neck "by accident". That's a degree of pre-planning that I'm not generally capable of; but if I'd known what a PITA she was going to be, I would have paid for the chum grinder out of my own pocket and brought a heavier guitar.

What was that terrible western film where the hero had a banjo with a hidden shotgun or such in the neck? There was also some bad chili-eating.

I happen to know that there was a nice family who could not get on our boat because it was sold out. I think these poor unfortunate souls ended up going on SeaCanary and Nerd's boat...oh, cruel fate. Maybe in future, the passengers could be asked to board in order of niceness. The last 4 or so folks could be told,"Oops, sorry...no more room."