Okay, I've had about enough of these lies and unfounded accusations. And I know who is behind 'em all too. My political opponents in the Obama and McCain campaigns and a few old personal enemies, that's who.

This dippy babe, Baenga, who is a total nutcase, useta be married to a chimp all right, but it wasn't me. It was Looey "The Peeler" Lobodo from South Chicago. Looey was a cheap hood, a dealer, and a fence. He was movin' stolen goods through a storefront that was maskeradin' as a cigar store. I useta buy cigars there, matter of fact. At first I though Looey was an okay guy and I been invited over to his place a few times in the old days.

I could tell his marriage with Baena was under some stress, but it wasn't none of my business. She was cheatin' on Looey. Looey was cheatin' on her. I didn't worry about that cos it was their life, not mine. Then Looey got caught with his hand in the till, as they say, and I had to take him down hard. He spent 5 years in the pen and he never came out. Some gorillas and baboons that he owed a lotta money to made sure of that. Looey was found dead one day with 55 knife wounds to the torso, and a copy of Primate Weekly shoved up his...well, never mind about that.

Baenga was officially free after that and she made a big play for me, but I ain't the kind of sap to fall for that sort of dodge. I knew she was no good, so I stayed away. Well, you know dames. They don't take rejection so good. Baenga has been out to get me ever since. She has been waitin' and bidin' her time, and now that I am runnin' for president she figgers it's time to tighten the screws.

I got no idea who fathered Baenga's three brats...and I'm guessin' that it could been any three of about 150 likely candidates in the local primate community. She had a lotta "visitors" afterhours...including baboons. Only one thing I am sure of: it wasn't me that was the father of any of her kids. No chance. I am not that stupid to get hooked up with that crazy chippie.

The fact that this bozo Rapaire would stoop to promotin' this kind of scandalous stuff and allyin' himself with the roundest pair of heels in the whole Chicago Primate community tells me that he has been bought by either Obama's or McCain's people. They are gettin' desperate. They will stoop to anything. Well, it's not gonna work. Nothin' they throw at me is gonna stick. This campaign is goin' all the way to the finish line, and no buncha lies and innuendos are gonna derail the APP victory train! We are pullin' into the station on time in November, and nothin' is gonna stop us!