Hi Barbara - Hate to say it but I have to disgree with a lot of the sentiment expressed here. Not that I have ever had a disagreement with another 'Catter before, but hey..
My father once told me that when you meet the most miserable son-of-a-bitch you know in your life, the way to act is to stick out your hand and offer to shake, because you show to the rest of the world that at least you have better manners than they do. Best bet is to go through the variance process and hope for success, and regarding your neighbors, ignore them whenever possible and treat them with utmost civility when you cannot. You will show everybody else in the neighborhood that you have class and you will be able to sleep at night.