Finally! Ending weeks, if not months of suspense, Chongo Chimp has officially announced his running mate for the 2008 election. And it's.........(BIG drum roll)............





















Rapaire!!!!!!!!!! (wild cheering, thunderous applause)

Yes, our well known man for all seasons, Rapaire of Mudcat fame, a local hero in Pocatello, Idaho where he is popularly known as either "Wrap-around" or... "that F-in goof!"........Rapaire is the man of the hour!

This stunning and dramatic move on Chongo's part should inject new life into the APP campaign. By selecting a human running mate to run on the American Primate Party ticket, Chongo will attract a great many more non-primate voters to his party for the first time, thus defusing the oft-repeated claim by both Democrats and Republicans that the American Primate Party represents only "apes and monkeys...plus a few f**kin' lemurs and maybe some squirrels".

Rapaire is neither an ape nor a monkey. He is not a squirrel or a lemur. He is human. Furthermore, he LOVES guns even more than Sarah Palin does and he can shoot the eye out of a moose at 300 yards. He can field dress a dead moose in 3 minutes flat without even breaking into a sweat. He has better military credibility than John McCain when it comes to both dealing out death and destruction with high-tech equipment AND resisting torture (Rapaire has survived prolonged exposure to rap music, Walmart shopping, bad beer, and reality TV without once revealing state secrets or caving in to the enemies of America).

Rapaire is a man's man and a man for America. No doubt about it.

This choice for VP also reveals Chongo's special (pronounced "speee-shul") broadmindedness and his willingness to mend fences with former opponents, given the fact that he and Rapaire have had some fierce disagreements in the past couple of years.

"Them little differences of opinion are behind us now," said Chongo. "We are swingin' in tandem on the same vine now and we are gonna swing right into the White House come January 2009."

So there you have it. Rapaire and Chongo will make a wellnigh unstoppable team as far as this columnist is concerned. Get ready to see a REAL chimp in the White House in 2009, with a REAL man standing beside him!

As a postscript to today's story, APP insiders say that a late night backroom deal that sealed Rapaire's agreement to run as Chongo's VP will put Bobert, also of Mudcat fame, in a key cabinet position in the Chongo-Rapaire government. Bobert is expected to assume one of three possible posts:

- Secretary of Peace
- Secretary of the Blues
- Secretary of Cannabis