Now, let's first examine the educational attainments of another worthy applicant for the job.

Chongo Chimp

School of Hard Knocks - entire life from birth to present

Fieldwork in Africa - 16 years in jungle and savannah, living off the land, fending off predators, Africans and White Hunters, avoiding violent death, engaging in interspecies dialogue

Maritime Academy - transatlantic service on tramp steamer from West Africa to New York, 1928

Stevedore & Shoeshine - 1 year in New York City, lower East Side, 1928-29

Bodyguard - 1 year, New York City, 1930

Freelance Private Investigator - 1931 to present in New York City and Chicago, fighting crime, improving the neighborhood, engaging in interspecies dialogue with lowlifes and hoods, upholding the law, defending liberty, justice, and freedom for all.

Well read - has read everything written by Raymond Chandler as well as most of the Sam Spade books and related literature.

Experienced drink taster - is a self-taught expert and connoiseur of virtually all the better brands of hard liquor.

Martial Arts Master - First Degree Black Belt in Kree-Gah, Ichi-Kichi-Koo, and Lapp Goche.

Founder and leader of the American Primate Party, America's first inter-species political party ever.