Ralph had been trying to get a loan every way he knew how because he was life and death desperate. Every system that he trusted unremorsefully took more than half of his pension. He felt betrayed by Congress, accountants, Banks and a political system that passed out millions of dollars for 10 minutes of a billionaires time.
By God if they take from me electronically with out so much as a how do you do or a reach around, he was going to get some of what they took from him back.

Ralph suffered every fee and penalty the banks ever devised but put everything he had into one shaky bank account.

Ralph went to the bank armed with a cell phone. He was about to close out his account. The bank warned him that whenever his account dipped below 1,200 dollars he would be subject to Bank fees.
But he had a plan that played out like a dream the night before right before he fell into the first sound sleep he had had for months.

Standing in an absurd line to close his account he squeezed his cell phone when it vibrated and startled him so much some people were startled in return. Ralph turned off all incoming calls. He needed the line open for split second timing when he got to the teller window.

The teller looked exhausted when he snaked his withdraw slip under the bullet proof window. He was nervous but not so much as to alarm anyone. He had to wait for the moment right before he pressed the send button on his cell phone. Not too early, not too late. He was going to get that loan for the price of a returned check if only his timing was just right.

He eyed the teller as she was entering his account number in the telex and then pushed the send button that made his whole body jerk with a jolt but was virtually unnoticed to others. His heart was beating fast. The send message was racing electrons to a buy now web address to purchase gold at the exact same amount of his closed bank account. The transaction went to his pay pal account linked to his current account that was being closed as signals were being sent back and forth across the country.

The teller handed him his money and he cautiously left the bank. The drive home was nerve wracking since he did not know if he had just stolen a #### load of gold or not. He got home shit the blinds and looked on his computer to see he had the Pay Pal receipt for enough gold to make a solid 7 inch cube of gold. That's enough gold to weigh just under 1000 pounds.

If and when the bank sorted out the identical withdrawal amounts he could be hit with a returned check fee, but Ralph was feeling he had his 1000 pounds of flesh. Gold went up that day about 25 dollars.

It turns out Ralph's bank did get swallowed up and the newly hired bank examiners, all from the hoards of unemployed investment brokers from Wall Street, never did make sense of Ralph's account that day.