It maybe that I have no sense of humour, but some of my friends, people whom I like and respect, have been sending me e-mails, which contain "humour", which I find unfunny and even downright offensive. I was finally moved to respond to one today, which particularly put my back up. If the following raises your hackles, please read on anyway. Perhaps I should have responded like this a long time ago...

WIN A COUNCIL HOUSE

Good morning and welcome to a brand new edition of 'ASYLUM'.

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My reply:

Dear ****,
                You have been a good friend for many years and I hope this will continue for many more. I am afraid this post offended me - a lot. We have different politics, but we can discuss things civilly and agree to differ on many issues. This post offends me for the assumptions on which it is based.
1.        It is easy to obtain legal or illegal entry into Britain: No it's not! Britain is an island and getting in means passing immigration controls at the air or seaports. I recall on one visit that a Turkish man, (German resident and perfectly entitled to unchallenged admission under the Treaty of Rome) wanted to visit with his daughters. I spent ten minutes of interpreting for him, helping to convince the officials that his credentials were spotless - as indeed they were. He had a return ticket, adequate proof of his residence, profession and financial resources. He must have been very glad that he had not come in from the Middle East.
2.        Immigrants harm our country: That's a three pint discussion, of course. However, within two generations most immigrants have learned our language and our invisible. Do you think there are more Germans or Pakistanis in our country? How often can you spot a second generation Pole until you know the surname?
3.        Immigrants are criminals and scroungers: Well are they? I should have thought that if they were, it would make sense to give them work permits immediately, so that they could be expected to produce something. Oddly enough, I don't hear much clamour for that from the people, who, "Don't like immigrants".
4.        Britain is soft on crime: Maybe we should look up the statistics on which countries have the highest per capita rate of imprisonment in Europe. That may tell another story.
I myself live as an immigrant in another country. I like to think that I have been a useful member of its society and have not damaged it in any way. I am also very proud to be British. However, ugly, racist, mean minded rants like the one above do nothing to enhance my pride in the country, of which I still consider myself a member. I want my country to be a generous, inclusive one and not one which fearfully looks out from its shores as if it were at war with the rest of the world.
Regards,
             Alan.