I weally have had enough of this your cwiticism of me and my pwogwammes. Me, Wussell Bwand and all the other "alternatives to comedy" have been twying for ages to bwing to a wider public a level of humour in keeping with today`s stweet wise listener culture. If that means speaking about lavatorwial activities, my wife`s pwefewrence for my neighbour`s manhood, using foul language because some childwen, without it, would not understand me asking pwetty women to wemove their knickers and pwance round my the set of my television show then that is what I wegard as my wole. Should this un-wawwanted carping continue, especially observations about my £18,000,000 pay and pwying into my pwivate life I shall wesort to Sue,Gwabbitt and Wun.

And Walphie, I take issue wegarding Chwis Evans. I find him an obnoxoius, odius pwesenter who put his colours up the mast on a t.v. pwogwamme called, I think, "TFIF". Nothing has changed since those days and I still hear in him a desire to talk dirty to the ladies on his show. Thank goodness Sally Twaffic and Foxy have the gwace to deflect it.