Sad old git that I am I once sent a "poem" to the late Richard Whiteley (well,to the producer) which was read out apparently (tho' I didn't se that episode!).It went:
JOB APPLICATION
I don't want to replace old Richard,
Beloved of students and mums
I don't want to replace young Carol,
Quite frankly, I can't do the sums.
I don't want to be a contestant
As word games are not quite my bent.
Just put me in Dictionary Corner,
So I can sit near Susie Dent.

RtS
(Andrew Morion eat your heart out).