Mom, I'm really in Chestertown, Md. I had to say Charlestown to throw the baddies off the scent.

Dear Shame,

I really don't know why I'm responding to you because you are dead. As a dead guy you couldn't do anything with a snow machine except lay on it and rot, which you were doing when you were alive -- rotting away, I mean, not laying on a snow machine. In fact, I doubt that you laid anything in your entire life (if it could be called "a life"). Except maybe an "egg" in your pants. But now that you're dead you don't have to worry about things like that anymore.

Your friend,
Rapaire